Sometimes God has a different plan than we do…
IMAGINE THAT! ;)
…a different motive…a different agenda…a different outcome…
Sometimes, even when we feel that we are so in tune with God and His will, yes, even then, God may have something else in mind…something that even our greatest, most God-honoring thoughts cannot conjure up!
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My sister and I sing together…for church services, baptisms, weddings, etc. Music is very important to us, and therefore, delivering a musically accurate “performance” is very important to us. For the longest time, this was the focal point of my “ministry” in music…to blend in unison as if we were one voice, then break into a vocal dance of perfect harmonies…to nail the melodic runs, to hit the high notes, to get the lyrics right, to build into the bridge, to belt out the final chorus after a climactic key change! I thought that our execution of each song had to be musically perfect in order to best “reach” our audience. Ya know, the greater the musical intensity, the greater the emotional intensity…and the greater the emotional intensity, the greater the effect on the listener…and the greater the effect on the listener, the more we have succeeded in bringing that listener closer to God!
Oh, how disturbing this is!...to think that this is actually what I believed! I had made my ministry just that…MINE! I had left no room for God to intervene in HIS own work! IT IS NOT MY JOB TO MANIPULATE SOMEONE ELSE’S HEART INTO “FEELING” CLOSER TO GOD. It is my job to take the message that God has placed on my heart and share it…perhaps through song…and then allow Him to use that testimony in whatever way HE sees fit, to touch peoples’ hearts and lives through the working of HIS Holy Spirit!
I used to pray, “God, please help me to get this song right, so that my listeners may be blessed by it!” (A prayer prayed with the most innocent and sincere intentions…yet oh, so delusional!) This past Easter Sunday, however, I prayed a different prayer: “God, take this song and do whatever you want to do with it…even if it means I deliver an imperfect musical performance…even if it means that I look like a mess in the process…do whatever it takes to bring the most glory to you!” (A very SCARY prayer to pray!)
I should have known that my prayer would be answered!
The piano accompaniment grew progressively louder, and my sister and I were about to erupt into the chorus with powerful harmonies, when I was suddenly consumed by the intensity of the TRUTH in the lyrics. They became SO real to me…more real than any lyrics have ever been before: “And I hear the voice of many angels sing ‘Worthy is the Lamb!’ And I hear the cry of every longing heart ‘Worthy is the Lamb!’”…As the image of multitudes of angels eternally worshiping God filled my head, and the reality of my deep, deep longing for God overtook my heart, I saw my broken self in contrast with the GLORY of the risen Lamb, and I was instantly overcome with both MY UNWORTHINESS and HIS unfathomable WORTHINESS…I could not sing…I could not even squeak out a few of the words…I burst into tears. For a split second I tried to stop, but I couldn’t, so I just let it overtake me. My hand began to shake…not a nervous shake, but honestly tingling and trembling…like my fingers wanted to unfold and just shoot straight up, point towards heaven, and give credit where credit is due! It was almost as if I did not raise my hand, my hand would raise itself to direct glory to God!...I was no longer in control of my body…everything in me poured out in a wave of gratitude, across my tear stained cheeks and through the tremors of my barely audible voice.
What I experienced was so raw, so real, that for what was perhaps the first time in my life, I was not embarrassed by my apparent failure…it was truly such an honor to be made vulnerable so publically, so that through such a display of genuine vulnerability, the transformation that God, by His Spirit, had orchestrated in my heart and life was raised up as a testimony of His saving and redeeming grace!
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Sometimes we are allowed to “fail” so that we may be reminded of our inadequacy apart from God. (It keeps us humble!) Sometimes we are allowed to “fail” so that others may see…and realize that they too can serve God and bring honor to Him despite THEIR inadequacies. AND SOMETIMES, WE ARE ALLOWED TO “FAIL” BECAUSE IN “FAILING” WE ACTUALLY SUCCEED…FOR IN OUR WEAKNESS, GOD’S STRENGTH IS THAT MUCH MORE STRONGLY DISPLAYED!
I do not know the reason for my musical “failure” on Easter Sunday, but I have no doubt that God had a reason, and that He answered my prayer…by using my song as He best saw fit for HIS purposes!
Practice may make perfect, but let us not forget that so often God chooses to work in the imperfect…bringing glory to HIS PERFECTION…one BEAUTIFUL DISASTER at a time!
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