The Therapist

I am a therapist. Every day I experience the challenges & difficulties and joys & blessings of working with lots of little special needs students. As a provider of occupational therapy services, it is my job to help my students learn…learn to feed themselves, dress themselves, regulate their bodies and emotions, interact with their peers, play appropriately, use their hands and fingers to perform intricate tasks…the list goes on. The funny thing is, though, I’m not the only one in this “teacher-student relationship” doing the teaching. It’s incredible how much my students have to teach me!...Or how much GOD has to teach me through my students!

I think, speak, learn, and understand in terms of analogies and metaphors…and believe me, a special needs school just happens to be FULL of them! It’s amazing how many spiritual life lessons my eyes have been opened to while my arms have been elbow deep in poop, pee, snot, Trix yogurt, applesauce, and play-dough!

***

I squatted down on a much-too-small chair, my knees scrunched up and towering over the tiny table. I leaned over, extended a jar of writing utensils to one of my students and said, “Pick a marker, Tommy! Open it! Today, we’re going to trace letters!” (All names have been changed to protect students’ identities, of course.) Without a sound, without making eye contact, and without moving more than his hand, Tommy took a marker. He did not open it, but rather, he proceeded to wave it continuously up and down in front of his face, watching the movement out of the corner of his eye as he stared blankly off into space. “Open the marker, Tommy!” I prompted encouragingly. No response. “Come on, Tommy! Open the marker! Let’s color!” I cheerfully invited yet again. Still no change. So, I placed my hands over his and helped him open the marker. “Good job, Tommy! Now let’s draw! Will you show me how you can write on the paper?” Tommy, who had yet to look at me or the paper, immediately brought the marker back up to his face and continued to self-stim. I tapped on the table, pointing to the letters on the page. No stop in waving the marker. I tapped louder. Still no break in the stare. So, I guided his hand down to the paper and began to assist his small fingers in tracing over the dotted lines that spelled out his name. Tommy pulled away from my hand. The second I let go, he returned to waving the marker. I brought his hand back to the page and began again…only to be pushed away a second time…and a third…and a fourth. I’m usually pretty patient, but by this point, I was starting to get a little frustrated. “WHY WON’T YOU LET ME HELP YOU?” I thought. “UGH! IT’S ONE THING FOR YOU TO COMPLETELY IGNORE MY DIRECTIONS, BUT TO IGNORE ME!...THAT’S ANOTHER!...AND NOT JUST TO IGNORE ME, BUT TO PUSH ME AWAY??? I KNOW THIS IS HARD FOR YOU, BUT THAT’S WHY I’M HERE! I’VE GOT MY HAND ON YOU…I AM TRYING TO HELP YOU…WHY WON’T YOU LET ME?”…

…“Hey, Ben! Let’s play with the cars!” I exclaimed. I grabbed a couple of toy cars and began to drive them back and forth on the road map rug, across a bridge of blocks, and down the toy car garage ramp. “Isn’t this so much fun?!?” I asked excitedly…to which Ben responded by pushing away my hands, throwing my toy cars out of reach, kicking apart the block bridge, knocking over the toy garage ramp, and picking up his one and only favorite car and staring at it as he spun the front wheels around and around and around and around, just as he had before I came over…

…“Ooo! Katie! Let’s make a big tower with the blocks!” I demonstrated quickly to engage her attention and then asked her to join in. As I handed her the blocks one by one, she put each one in her mouth, chewed on it for a few seconds, spit it out, threw it, and then knocked down each block I had added to the tower myself…

…“Ashley, it’s time to put on your shoes!” I sat her down in front of me and began to aid her in putting on her socks. Enraged that I had pulled her away from her favorite toy, she began to squirm violently (for real, if it’s possible to squirm violently, she is in fact very good at it!). After a few minutes of wrestling, Ashley’s shoes were on, but I may have taken a few punches to the face in the process…

***

In these moments, my heart breaks for my kids. When I look at them, I see their potential. I know what they are capable of, and what has to be done in order to take them to the next level. But so often they not only ignore what I have planned for them, but they go out of their way to resist me as strongly as their tough little wills allow!...Because they can’t see the big picture like I can!

And then one day I realized: I AM MY KIDS. Yes, I did just say that…I’m a little special needs preschooler…and everything I’ve wanted to say to my naughty, yet pricelessly precious little kiddos, God wants to say to me (metaphorically speaking, of course):

“LAURA, WHY ARE YOU SO CONTENT TO SIT THERE AND SHAKE A MARKER IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE WHEN I HAVE GIFTED YOU TO COLOR AND DRAW AND WRITE???...WHY ARE YOU SO CONTENT TO SPIN WHEELS ON YOUR LITTLE CAR IN ONE PLACE WITHOUT MOVING WHEN I HAVE CALLED YOU TO GO OUT AND DRIVE IN HIGH-ENERGY CHASE SCENES???...WHY ARE YOU SO CONTENT TO CHEW ON BLOCKS WHEN I HAVE EQUIPPED YOU TO BUILD ELABORATE CASTLES??? STOP IGNORING MY DIRECTION. STOP PUSHING ME AWAY. MY HAND IS ON YOU. I AM HERE TO HELP YOU. I KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR…YOU DON’T. I SEE THE BIG PICTURE…YOU CAN’T. I LOVE YOU AND I HAVE BIG PLANS FOR YOU. I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO THE NEXT LEVEL. IT MIGHT BE HARD, BUT THAT’S WHY I’M HERE…TO GUIDE YOU AND ENCOURAGE YOU. YOU CAN AVOID MY GAZE, BUT I STILL SEE YOU. YOU CAN THROW AWAY MY GIFTS THE SECOND I PLACE THEM IN YOUR HANDS, BUT I WILL CONTINUE TO GIVE. YOU CAN TRY TO KNOCK DOWN AND TEAR APART EVERYTHING GOOD THAT I HAVE BUILT IN YOUR LIFE, BUT I WILL PERSIST IN PERSUING A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. YOU MAY SIT THERE UNWILLING TO PARTICIPATE, OR YOU MAY GET UP AND RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION, BUT I’M NOT GIVING UP ON YOU. IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU ATTEMPT TO VIOLENTLY SQUIRM OUT OF MY EMBRACE. IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU PUNCH ME IN THE FACE. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND DESIRE WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO YOUR FULLEST POTENTIAL. NOW, WILL YOU PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE JUST LET ME LEAD YOU THERE?”

As I enter into a season of intentional ministry through service, I realize that I am empowered to do so, only because of the “therapy” that God has been doing (and will continue to do) in my life…taking me out of my comfort zone…pulling me away from things that are small, safe, purposeless…leading me in pursuit of things with greater meaning, greater value, greater worth…allowing me to enter in to a much bigger picture, a much higher calling. There have been, and I’m sure will continue to be, many moments that cause me to ask “WHY?”…but I have to trust that just like me with my students, God has a purpose, knows exactly where He wants to take me and how He wants to get me there, and that He will in fact bring me to that place, if I will just simply submit to the picture I cannot clearly see, surrender to the plan I do not fully understand, yield to the direction of One wiser than I, grab hold of the hand that is more skilled than mine, and allow HIM to be MY THERAPIST.

Beautiful Disaster

[When entering into any sort of ministry, I think it’s important to keep a few things in mind: 1) We should never try to determine the effectiveness of our attempts to minister by our own humanly defined notions of success and failure (God works in mysterious ways and we do not always have the privilege of understanding His reasoning or seeing the results), and 2) Sometimes, in ministry, the prayers we pray, and the prayers we SHOULD pray, are two very different things…]

Sometimes God has a different plan than we do…

IMAGINE THAT! ;)

…a different motive…a different agenda…a different outcome…

Sometimes, even when we feel that we are so in tune with God and His will, yes, even then, God may have something else in mind…something that even our greatest, most God-honoring thoughts cannot conjure up!

***

My sister and I sing together…for church services, baptisms, weddings, etc. Music is very important to us, and therefore, delivering a musically accurate “performance” is very important to us. For the longest time, this was the focal point of my “ministry” in music…to blend in unison as if we were one voice, then break into a vocal dance of perfect harmonies…to nail the melodic runs, to hit the high notes, to get the lyrics right, to build into the bridge, to belt out the final chorus after a climactic key change! I thought that our execution of each song had to be musically perfect in order to best “reach” our audience. Ya know, the greater the musical intensity, the greater the emotional intensity…and the greater the emotional intensity, the greater the effect on the listener…and the greater the effect on the listener, the more we have succeeded in bringing that listener closer to God!

Oh, how disturbing this is!...to think that this is actually what I believed! I had made my ministry just that…MINE! I had left no room for God to intervene in HIS own work! IT IS NOT MY JOB TO MANIPULATE SOMEONE ELSE’S HEART INTO “FEELING” CLOSER TO GOD. It is my job to take the message that God has placed on my heart and share it…perhaps through song…and then allow Him to use that testimony in whatever way HE sees fit, to touch peoples’ hearts and lives through the working of HIS Holy Spirit!

I used to pray, “God, please help me to get this song right, so that my listeners may be blessed by it!” (A prayer prayed with the most innocent and sincere intentions…yet oh, so delusional!) This past Easter Sunday, however, I prayed a different prayer: “God, take this song and do whatever you want to do with it…even if it means I deliver an imperfect musical performance…even if it means that I look like a mess in the process…do whatever it takes to bring the most glory to you!” (A very SCARY prayer to pray!)

I should have known that my prayer would be answered!

The piano accompaniment grew progressively louder, and my sister and I were about to erupt into the chorus with powerful harmonies, when I was suddenly consumed by the intensity of the TRUTH in the lyrics. They became SO real to me…more real than any lyrics have ever been before: “And I hear the voice of many angels sing ‘Worthy is the Lamb!’ And I hear the cry of every longing heart ‘Worthy is the Lamb!’”…As the image of multitudes of angels eternally worshiping God filled my head, and the reality of my deep, deep longing for God overtook my heart, I saw my broken self in contrast with the GLORY of the risen Lamb, and I was instantly overcome with both MY UNWORTHINESS and HIS unfathomable WORTHINESS…I could not sing…I could not even squeak out a few of the words…I burst into tears. For a split second I tried to stop, but I couldn’t, so I just let it overtake me. My hand began to shake…not a nervous shake, but honestly tingling and trembling…like my fingers wanted to unfold and just shoot straight up, point towards heaven, and give credit where credit is due! It was almost as if I did not raise my hand, my hand would raise itself to direct glory to God!...I was no longer in control of my body…everything in me poured out in a wave of gratitude, across my tear stained cheeks and through the tremors of my barely audible voice.

What I experienced was so raw, so real, that for what was perhaps the first time in my life, I was not embarrassed by my apparent failure…it was truly such an honor to be made vulnerable so publically, so that through such a display of genuine vulnerability, the transformation that God, by His Spirit, had orchestrated in my heart and life was raised up as a testimony of His saving and redeeming grace!

***

Sometimes we are allowed to “fail” so that we may be reminded of our inadequacy apart from God. (It keeps us humble!) Sometimes we are allowed to “fail” so that others may see…and realize that they too can serve God and bring honor to Him despite THEIR inadequacies. AND SOMETIMES, WE ARE ALLOWED TO “FAIL” BECAUSE IN “FAILING” WE ACTUALLY SUCCEED…FOR IN OUR WEAKNESS, GOD’S STRENGTH IS THAT MUCH MORE STRONGLY DISPLAYED!

I do not know the reason for my musical “failure” on Easter Sunday, but I have no doubt that God had a reason, and that He answered my prayer…by using my song as He best saw fit for HIS purposes!

Practice may make perfect, but let us not forget that so often God chooses to work in the imperfect…bringing glory to HIS PERFECTION…one BEAUTIFUL DISASTER at a time!

Lesson #2: Humility

[This past year has been the most difficult year of my life. But I can also say that it has been the most growth-filled and blessing-filled year of my life. Through a variety of circumstances (severe reoccurring illness, lack of finances, etc.), and through the confessions/testimonies/gifts/acts of service/prayers of the people around me, I have come to know what it means to find “strength in weakness”…I have learned the importance of being able to submit…but also to receive…my eyes have been opened to what it truly means to be humble…]

Humility is not a decreased sense of self worth. It is not a false view of your identity or value. It is not a dismissal or rejection of complements. It is not to be confused with modesty. It is not insecurity, low self esteem, or a lack of self confidence. It is not down-playing, hiding, or ignoring your gifts. It is not an outward action that you perform to mask or justify your inner desire to gain the approval of those around you. It is not a comparison to others in which you rank yourself at the bottom. It is not a balance between being feeling good about yourself and feeling bad about yourself.

The thing about humility is that IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU…at all.

Humility is the REALIZATION THAT: Life is about someone GREATER than you, that everything you have been given is a GIFT, that THE ONLY REASON YOU EXIST IS BECAUSE OF MERCY YOU WILL NEVER DESERVE, GRACE YOU WILL NEVER EARN, AND LOVE YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO RECIPROCATE, NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY.

When you come to FULLY comprehend this truth, you cannot help but live a life of complete service and sacrifice; a life in which you always think of others before yourself…a life in which at any moment you would be willing to give it up, to lay it all down, for the sake of another…a life in which you allow others to serve you (no one is above receiving service, for even this is a form of pride)...a life in which everything you do points not to yourself but to the GOD who created you, gifted you, enabled, and empowered you…So that when others see your strength and beauty, they do not see you, but THROUGH you to the One who apart from, such beauty and strength WOULD CEASE TO BE.

To live in any other way, is to live a life of pride.

Pride says, “God’s view of me is not enough. I need the rest of the world to notice me, accept me, appreciate me, value me. Pride says, “I prefer justice to mercy.” Pride says, “I am above grace.” Pride says, “I do not need love.”

A prideful heart is DEAD, because it is NOT CAPABLE OF RECEIVING the undeserved LIFE that God and ONLY GOD, MERCIFULLY, GRACIOUSLY, LOVINGLY offers.

Lesson #1: Obedience

[I have a feeling that God’s going to teach me A LOT this summer…because summer is still a long ways off for me, and yet, I have already learned (or am in the process of learning) several things…things which I believe are essential to know BEFORE entering into any sort of ministry: Obedience and Humility. So here goes…if you have something to add, add it. If you have something to subtract, subtract it. I do not want my words to be taken for absolute truth unless they are!]

I always was a good kid. (Seriously, I don’t think my parents have a clue how easy they had it with me!) I had perfect attendance in Sunday school and was ready to give a beautifully worded, theologically-sound answer every time I was called on. Every teacher, coach, director, and boss I’ve ever had enjoyed having me in their class, on their team, working for them, etc., because I was a model student, teammate, and employee…I worked hard, excelled at nearly everything I put my hands to, and NEVER BROKE THE RULES.

What could I possibly have to learn about obedience??? (Humility on the other hand…haha…don’t worry, that’s Lesson #2!)

Oh, if only obedience were as black and white as we so often make it out to be!

But you see, obedience, while it most certainly does INCLUDE following rules, at its core has nothing to do with whether or not you FOLLOW the rules, but HOW you follow them.
I find it interesting that the wording of the fifth commandment (that God gives us in the Bible) is not “OBEY your father and mother,” but “HONOR your father and mother.” I think back to high school, for example, when my parents gave me a curfew every time I went out with my friends on the weekend: Of course I came home on time…but you better believe that I was dragging my heels the whole way, walked in the door at the exact time they had stated and not a moment sooner, and sometimes even made comments to my friends about how my parents were “so stupid and lame for making me come home earlier than everyone else!”

I obeyed the rules, but there was absolutely NO HONOR involved. I may not have been DISOBEYING, but I was most certainly DISRESPECTING.

Rote actions of obedience done out of a heart of rebellion, is no obedience at all!

How many times have I “obeyed” in this way???...not just with my parents, but more importantly with God! Looking back, my life has been FULL of thoughtless, heartless, lifeless “obedience.” Mom, Dad, GOD, I am sorry.

***

Okay, so obedience is not an action…it is a state of the heart. But how do I make my heart WANT to obey God??? ‘Cause I’ll be honest, my selfish little heart’s first inclination is not necessarily always to bring HONOR to God!

I think back to many Sunday school lessons, church sermons, and lectures in class at the Christian school I attended that attempted to address this topic. “We shouldn’t obey God because we HAVE to, but because we WANT to!” the pastor stated confidently. “We obey out of gratitude…it’s our way of saying thank you to Jesus for what He did for us on the cross,” echoed numerous Sunday school teachers. “That’s nice,” my cynical young mind thought. Don’t get me wrong…I’m not trying to make light of this subject…It’s TRUTH and I believe it 100%!...But having this knowledge in my head, did nothing to change the way I was feeling in my heart.
There was still no JOY in my obedience until I realized two things:

1) I CAN’T change my heart…only God can, through the work of the Holy Spirit in me.

2) Obeying God goes FAR beyond obeying the specific rules written down in the Bible. Again, of course it INCLUDES these rules, but is not limited to them: IF I OBEY EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THE TEN COMMANDMENTS PERFECTLY, BUT I IGNORE THE PROMPTING OF THE HOLY SPIRIT IN MY EVERYDAY LIFE, I AM NOT OBEDIENT! If God calls me to speak with a stranger, pray for a friend, fulfill an act of service, and I do not do these things, I have passed up an opportunity to bring HONOR to God. I did not steal, I did not lie, I did not commit adultery or murder…I did something far worse…I IGNORED GOD.

Over the past few months as I have begun to become more in tune with the voice of the Holy Spirit, gently yet firmly nudging me from within, I have also become increasingly aware of how many times in a day I am presented with a chance to either submit to that voice, or run in the opposite direction…and until very recently, I almost always opted to run.

And then one day someone else followed the voice of the Holy Spirit in their life…this person felt called to extend an invitation to me to pray for someone else. Now I’ve prayed for people before, but this was prayer at a whole different level…the kind where you give a person words that are not at all your own, but that have been given to you directly from God to give to the person that you’re praying for. I had never been a part of this kind of prayer before…it terrified me…I was so scared that I wouldn’t be able to do it, that I wouldn’t have anything to say…certainly not in comparison to all the other “more spiritual” people there who were much more practiced in this kind of prayer than I was! But for what was perhaps the first time in my life, I submitted to the Spirit’s prodding, accepted the invitation, and began to pray…

…And as I prayed, even though my voice shook with nervous energy, I felt so at peace…it felt good, it felt right. I continued to pray that night for others who needed prayer, the whole time being continuously reaffirmed in my spirit that God can and WILL use ME to speak into the lives of the people I come into contact with.

This emotion-filled, Spirit-driven night, in combination with the encouragement I later received from many of the people who were there, created a boldness and an excitement in me that I have never experienced before! I actually WANTED to go out and pray for people and speak into their lives…I WANTED to follow the voice of the Holy Spirit!

That weekend I felt called to:
-Share bits and pieces of my testimony with a few different people…so I did!
-Offer an act of service to a family that I had just met…so I did!
-Invite someone to be a part of a group that had the potential to significantly impact his relationship with God…so I did!
-Pray for someone who didn’t have the emotional strength and energy to pray for herself…so I did!

I don’t know HOW my obedience impacted the lives of these people, but I trust that it DID. God always has a plan and we may not always understand it, but He does not ask us to UNDERSTAND…He asks us to TRUST and OBEY.

One person listened to God’s voice…inviting and encouraging me to enter in to a whole new level of spirituality. I in turn listened to God’s voice and spoke in to the lives of 10+ people within the next few days. And if each of those people were to speak and act in response to the Spirit’s leading in the lives of 10+ people each, over 100 people will have had their lives touched…radically altered even, by God, through just a few people, in just a few days! And as people continue to submit to the Spirit’s guiding, the positive ramifications continue to explode exponentially!

NOW THIS IS A GOD-HONORING OBEDIENCE THAT I CAN GET EXCITED ABOUT AND FIND JOY IN!!!

I get it, I finally get it...God’s commandments for us are not just a bunch of rules that were carved into stone thousands of year ago…the things He asks of us, both in His written word and through the still small voice of the Spirit inside of us are living, breathing, refreshing, revitalizing, reconciling, redeeming, LIFE CHANGING, WORLD CHANGING…WHO WOULDN’T WANT TO BE A PART OF THAT?!?!? Sign me up. I’m on board. I WANT to be OBEDIENT. I WANT to bring HONOR to God!

Proverbs 31:10-31 (NIV and Message)

Proverbs 31:10-31 NIV

10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:10-31 Message

A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it.Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing.She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day.She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking.She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor.She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks.Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers.She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive.Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise:"Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!"Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!

The Proverbs 31 Project

Inspired by prophetic words through which several brothers and sisters in Christ declared me THEE "Proverbs 31 Woman," I have decided to begin a summer-long project, and life-long journey of discovering, embracing, and celebrating my identity in Christ; using my gifts to serve Him as He transforms my heart and mind, fulfilling His promise to complete the good work He began in me (Philippians 1:6)!

In order for you to understand what this project IS, you must also understand what this project is NOT. This project IS NOT about ME and what I can do. It is about GOD and what HE can do. It IS NOT about MY work in the lives of other people. It is about God's work...not only in the lives of other people...not only THROUGH me...but also, IN me. See, while the implementation of this project in it's most physical sense may cause observers to think that the ultimate mission is to "use my gifts to serve others," the REAL goal, the REAL aim, the REAL project is MY HEART and the act of GOD upon it: HIM transforming me into a more wise, discerning, diligent, devoted, compassionate, loving, beautiful woman of God...a true Proverbs 31 woman.

With that said, I will now attempt to explain what I feel called to do this summer...what I feel is the "medium" so to speak that God will use to teach me these Proverbs 31 virtues.  The project will consist largely of acts of service...using my gifts to meet the needs of other people.  I have MANY obscure, yet useful gifts. Now, in the past, I have used my gifts in many ways...and most, if not all, were "for the greater good!"...and yet, it was always so safe and comfortable...I always had control...there was never any sacrifice involved. This needs to change. As I ask God to shape me into the Proverbs 31 woman this summer, I realize that this involves stepping outside of my comfort zone into a place were service is not conditional...I don't get to pick and choose who to serve, where to serve, how to serve...if God brings a person into my life, or brings me to a specific place, and has equipped me with the ability to provide for the need he has shown me, than I have no choice but to fill it...even if it is dirty, uncomfortable, boring, time-consuming, or the hardest struggle I've ever gone through! I ask for this. I ask for this with both excitement and terrified-ness (for lack of a real word), knowing that God will answer this request!

In addition to using my gifts to unconditionally serve others, I also intend to imitate the Proverbs 31 woman by physically living out some of the things that the scripture says she does, such as planting a garden, for example! I don't know exactly how this works yet, but I strongly feel that there is so much to be learned mentally, emotionally, and spiritually by living out something physically first! So, plant a garden, I will! And who knows, maybe I'll even make a few of my own clothes!

And finally, and most importantly, as Proverbs 31 so clearly states in it's conclusion, all these acts are worthless without the FEAR OF THE LORD! So, I will be spending lots of time "in the Word" and in prayer...in hopes of growing in my relationship with God, and receiving revelation on what it means to truly FEAR Him. And ya'll can hold me accountable to that!...In fact, I insist...I beg you to! Taking time out of "my" crazy schedule to spend more time with God is not one of my strengths, so please ask me how it's going, encourage me to continue in it, and pray for me...pray like crazy!

Pray that I might:
-Be bombarded with opportunities to serve, and be empowered with the courage and willingness to follow through on those opportunities!
-Know what it means to live out the life of the Proverbs 31 woman in both a physical and spiritual sense!
-Be filled with the desire to know God more intimately and an understanding of what it means to fear and serve Him!