If I...But have not love, I am nothing.

1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 NIV

1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 3If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 Message

***

Understanding what love is and learning how to love may seem like a really obvious lesson…one I should have already learned. But the thing about love is it’s not a lesson you learn once. It’s a life-long process in which God (who, by the way, IS love), continues to perfect us to a greater degree with each new revelation that He gives us.

I used to live out of the revelation that loving someone who is difficult to love meant being able to pray for them (ie: You know you have forgiven when you genuinely desire God’s best for another and earnestly ask Him to bless that individual’s life). [And trust me, it is often even a challenge to get to this point…sometimes the hurt is so great, that you don’t want to pray for a person…you feel that they don’t deserve it!] But as God continues to heal my heart and transform it to be more and more like that of His son’s, my eyes have been opened to a new revelation: SOMETIMES IN LOVING THE LESS LOVELY, WE ARE CALLED NOT ONLY TO PRAY, BUT TO BE WILLING TO BE A PART OF THE ANSWER TO THAT PRAYER IF GOD SO CHOOSES.

Allow me to share the way in which I came to this revelation…

Something that I am passionate about is identity…knowing who you are, knowing your gifts, knowing your dreams, embracing your uniqueness, having a vision, having goals, claiming the call on your life and stepping into it! Whether I’m working as an occupational therapy practitioner, volunteering as a day-camp counselor, or simply spending time with friends, I feel like I am always trying to help people reach their fullest potential! So naturally, this passion was a driving force behind many of the acts of service that I had intended to carry out this summer. But when I realized just how LITTLE of my time and energy was going to be directed towards people who were ALREADY in my life, that’s when I had to stop and ask myself…

If I say, I long to see men rise up and be strong leaders, but I don’t take the time to pray for my own father and I refuse to give him opportunities to be strong for me because I’d rather be “miss independent,” do I really mean it?

I say, I long to see woman embrace their beauty and use their gifts to bless others, but I don’t take the time to encourage my own mother and I hurt her by refusing to let her help me with anything because I think I am perfectly self-sufficient, do I really mean it?

If I say, I long to see kids nurtured, and valued, and empowered, but I don’t have a clue what’s going on in my own little sister’s life and I refuse to spend time with her because I’m too “busy,” do I really mean it?

Why is it that I say I’m passionate about something, but then when presented with an opportunity to live out that passion, I pursue everything but it. I cry out, “God, use me!”…but as soon as He says, “Okay, here’s your assignment! Love these people!”…I, like Jonah, whine with desperation, “Anything but THAT! Anyone but THEM!” and take off in the opposite direction.

Here’s where it gets really good…

God responds with, “Why not THAT? Why not THEM? Isn’t that EXACTLY what you’ve been praying for for so long???”

Me: “Well, YEAH! But…”

God: “You want to see men become strong? YOU need to FORGIVE them so that they are free to do so. You want to see woman embrace their true identity? YOU need to BEFRIEND the ones who are broken, confused, lost. You want to see children empowered? YOU need to INVEST TIME into the lives of the ones who are challenging. You want to see relationships restored? YOU need to stop running away from hurt and start ACTIVELY DEMONSTRATING LOVE.”

WE SO OFTEN PRAY WITH ONE OF TWO EXPECTATIONS: THAT EITHER OUR PRAYERS WILL NOT BE ANSWERED [HOPELESS] OR THAT THEY WILL BE ANSWERED WITHOUT ANY NEED FOR ACTION ON OUR PART [AS IF GOD SHOULD REPLY WITH THE WAVE OF A MAGIC WAND].

“WITHOUT GOD, MAN CANNOT. WITHOUT MAN, GOD WILL NOT.”

This quote, which upon embracing its significance I have quickly come to love, so accurately demonstrates how life as a proverbs 31 woman (or Godly man) should look. We pray because without God we can do nothing. God gives us answers to those prayers that often require us to act because He wants to partner with us…He uses US to answer prayers…the very prayers we ourselves pray!

***IT IS NOT FAIR TO PRAY A PRAYER TO GOD AND DEMAND AN ANSWER UNLESS YOU ARE WILLING TO BE THAT ANSWER!!!***

I MUST UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE…UNCONDITIONALLY! It seems so elementary, but the profoundness found in such simplicity is foundational to any and all future spiritual growth! Until I learn to forgive those who have hurt me, and begin to pray and live in such a way as to genuinely and completely unconditionally LOVE the people in my life who are difficult to love, nothing else matters…no earthly gift, no spiritual gift, no revelation of any kind, no act of service here or abroad…it’s all meaningless without love.

So, on that note, I conclude with this: my very own 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 paraphrase…as a confession of my failure to adequately demonstrate love to the people that God has placed in my life, an encouraging reminder of the love that is mine to share thanks to partnership with God, and a vow to pray and live in such a way as to always be willing to act upon my prayers…to BE the very ANSWER, when God requires…or should I say, invites…

If I hold deep conversations, deliver inspirational speeches, and write artful essays, but do not demonstrate my words in loving action, do not listen to me, for I am nothing but a noisy hypocrite. If I speak into the lives of others and give encouragement and advice full of wisdom beyond my years, and have a faith that proclaims, “Nothing is impossible for God!” but have no compassion for those I encourage and advise, no humble acts of selfless servant hood in accordance with my prayers for miracles, I am nothing but a heartless pretender. If I get rid of everything I own, remove all worldly pleasures from my life, and go out of my way to “suffer for the sake of Christ,” but do so that I may receive the praise of onlookers rather than genuinely desire to be the hands and feet of Jesus to those in need, I gain nothing. Their words are empty, their applause, hollow…the good reputation I attempt to create for myself and cling to oh so desperately will slowly fade away. Only the things that are truly of God will stand…

“And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE.” 1 Corinthians 13:13

Ministry

So what is ministry?…I mean REALLY.

The word “ministry” is one that we throw around so flippantly… “That organization is just such a great ministry!”… “I’m trying to figure out what kind of ministry God is calling me to.”… “That church’s’ ministries are reaching so many people!”… “Do you serve with any ministries?”… “I think God is calling me into fulltime ministry.”

When we say things like this, do we actually know what we mean? And even if we do know what we mean, is our meaning the same as God’s? Is our idea of ministry actually based on God’s definition, or is it simply an IDEA?…a man-made IDEA.

Although the meaning of the word “minister” has slowly morphed over time (as most definitions do), if you trace it back to its Latin roots and look at its definitions in other languages throughout history, you will find that it meant the following things:

-“Less” or “Subordinate”
-“Servant”
-“One who acts upon the authority of another”

Keep that in mind, as you continue to read…

The church today is filled with two types of people: those who have no real desire to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth, and those who do. Those of us who are desperate to see the world radically altered by the love of Jesus Christ are quick to reprimand apathetic Christians for their ignorance and selfishness. But I want to take a minute to caution all the “great commission enthusiasts” to examine ourselves…are we really as untouched by ignorance and selfishness as we think we are??? In our excitement to share the gospel and to use our gifts to meet the world’s greatest needs, how often do we make our ministry just that: OURS???

We look around and we see so much brokenness, and then we turn to God and cry out: “Use me!”…But we don’t usually stop after those two words. We often continue with something like this: “I have all these amazing gifts, God, and I know just how to use them for your glory! I have a plan, and I just know it’s going to work!” And then we expect Him to bless it.

DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT WE HAVE ANYTHING TO OFFER GOD THAT HE DOESN’T ALREADY HAVE?...ANY PLAN THAT IS SUPERIOR TO THE ONE THAT HE HAS ALREADY THOUGHT OF AND SET IN PLACE???

Newsflash: GOD DOESN’T USE GIFTED PEOPLE…HE USES OBEDIENT PEOPLE.

We get so caught up in the “spirit of adventure” on our quest to “save the world” that we lose sight of the Creator of the mission…And in losing sight of Him, we lose sight of the mission…for we cannot know what God is calling us to, if we do not know Him.

Do we evangelize because we genuinely want people to experience the same saving grace that we know?...Or do we do it for an adrenaline rush? Do we pray for healing because we genuinely want the power of God to invade people’s bodies?...Or are we just obsessed with the excitement of being the instrument of that healing? Do we perform acts of service because we genuinely believe that the needs of others are more important than our own?...Or are we just narcissistic heroes who want to have yet one more reason to praise ourselves?

Why is it that we are constantly trying to make ministry what we want it to be?...this glamorous, self-exalting, territory-expanding activity that we do when our schedules allow for it? I feel like we often have this “I came, I saw, I conquered!” mentality when it comes to ministry…We throw ourselves out into the streets, seek out people who in our opinion appear to need Jesus in some way, say a quick prayer or perform a quick act of service, and then go on our way thinking, “Wow, I just did something great! I just made a big difference in that person/neighborhood/city/country/etc.! I just brought the kingdom of heaven to earth!”

But what if it didn’t end there??? What if, after praying the “prayer of salvation” with someone, we were called to disciple that person for a year or two…or the rest of our lives?...long after the adrenaline rush has gone! Kinda loses a bit of the excitement, doesn’t it?...All that commitment and everything! Seems like that would be a lot of time and energy that could be “better” spent saving more lives and increasing our realm of influence, eh?...Or so we think…

And when we’re not attempting to PROMOTE ourselves in “ministry,” we’re often attempting to PROTECT ourselves. For example…

It’s easy to tell complete strangers about God…if they reject the message, no big deal!…you’ll probably never see them again, and even if they think you’re completely crazy, it will most likely have no effect on your life whatsoever! It’s a little bit harder to share your faith in your workplace…where your reputation, credibility, and even job instantly become “on the line!”

Or another example…It’s easy to tell an alcoholic that he is free from his addiction and that he has been forgiven for all the ways he has hurt his family when he’s just a stranger in a shelter…It’s a lot harder when that man is your father.

But, you see, we don’t get to pick and choose who deserves to receive the gospel message. We don’t get to decide the “what,” “where,” “when,” or “how,” either. God didn’t put us in our workplaces so that we could just work 9-5 and then go out and evangelize on the weekends. God didn’t put us in our neighborhoods so that Monday, Wednesday, and every other Friday from the hours of 2-4 we could go door to door and ask if anyone needs help with anything. God didn’t put us in our friend groups so that we could party with them every night in public and then pray for them in the privacy of our bedroom.

We have been placed in our schools, workplaces, neighborhoods, families, and friend groups to minister…and sometimes it gets messy! It’s not clean. It’s not safe. It’s not comfortable. It’s not convenient. But it IS our CALLING.

I recently heard a sermon preached on the word “ministry,” and the following example was given to illustrate what ministry should and should not look like: A man accepted a job offer, and to perform several of his job requirements he would need a laptop. So, his boss handed him the company credit card and said, “Go to the apple store and buy a laptop.”…So he did. [This is ministry: the “minister”-the man was given “power”-the credit card, by someone with greater authority-his boss, to fulfill the “mission”-purchasing a laptop.] But what if the man had refused the credit card, and not gone to the apple store to purchase a laptop? Or what if he had accepted the credit card, but chose to go to a different store to purchase a laptop? Or what if he had gone to the apple store but proceeded to purchase something other than a laptop? Or what if he had gone to the apple store and purchased a laptop, but also purchased something else in addition to the laptop? Would his ministry have been an appropriate application of the power given to him? Would it have fulfilled the mission of the one in authority over him?

Or what about a telegram deliverer? (I know, we’re going waaay back with this one!) A telegram deliver is given a message to give to someone else…a specific person…at a specific time…in a specific location…word for word, exactly what’s on the page. But what if he had chosen to deliver it to someone else (a family member of the person to which it was addressed)? Or what if he decided to wait to deliver it (deliver everyone else’s telegrams first)? Or what if he delivered it to a different location (the recipient’s home instead of present hotel room)? Or what if he decided to reword the message (give a summary or his own personal interpretation of it)? Or what if he decided to change the message altogether (leave some of it out or add something to it)?

Ministry FAIL. Mission not accomplished.

In ministry, we do not get to choose what the mission is or how to carry it out. We do not get to change it, add to it, subtract from it, reshape it, manipulate it, make it “relevant to today”…whatever that means, reword it, or give our own interpretation of it (which, by the way, there is nothing that you can say that will state something in a better way than the Bible already has).

And this is a big one…We also do not get to choose the timing.

A friend was recently sharing about his call into “ministry.” He said that he was so excited to FINALLY be headed into what he had always felt so passionate about…and then conviction set in and God humbled him…and he realized that God was not calling him to go immediately into the “mission field,” but rather, God was calling him into a time of greater knowledge and greater intimacy first…so that he may be that much more equipped to “hit the mission field” when the time came. I love what my friend said next…he shared that MINISTRY SHOULD NEVER BE OUR FOCUS…GOD SHOULD BE OUR FOCUS…GROWING IN OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM…AND THEN OUT OF THE GREATER KNOWLEDGE AND REVELATION THAT COMES FROM THAT INTIMACY, MINISTRY WILL BE A NATURAL OUTFLOWING!

It’s hard to understand why God would plant such heart-grabbing, gut-wrenching passions in us and then ask us to WAIT to dive head first into them. But when it comes to timing, God doesn’t ask us to know his reasoning. He asks us to know HIM. For in knowing Him, we know his heart, and it is only by knowing his heart that we are able to share it. [Which isn’t that what ministry really is?...Sharing God’s heart?]

If you don’t wanna just take my word for it [THAT EXTREME INTIMACY WITH GOD IS FOUNDATIONAL TO EXTREME MINISTRY WITH GOD], then here’s an example for you: JESUS. Okay, He was GOD, and even HE WAITED 30 YEARS before He began his ministry! (Luke 3:23)...He understood the importance of being ONE in heart and mind and spirit with GOD!

So, am I suggesting that we all go into seclusion for 2 weeks? 2 months? 2 years? and do nothing but read our Bibles and pray until we are certain that we know the heart of God??? Of course not. Because for one, we will never fully know God…it is a life-long process in which we will continue to grow in knowledge and intimacy. And two, Because God who loves to work in us and through us, out of his grace, does in fact use us, where we are at presently to bring glory to Himself and further His kingdom.

I am, however, suggesting that we BE CAREFUL NOT TO THROW OURSELVES INTO SOMETHING AND THEN ASK GOD TO BLESS IT, BUT RATHER THAT WE THROW OURSELVES INTO GOD AND THEN OBEY WHEN HE ASKS US TO DO SOMETHING ALREADY SOAKED IN BLESSING!

Ultimately, MINISTRY HAS ALWAYS BEEN AND WILL ALWAYS BE ABOUT GOD! We are simply the agent, the instrument, the medium, the messenger, the minister!

Let’s go back to our definition a minute: A minister is a lesser, subordinate, servant, who acts on the authority of another. As ministers of God and His Kingdom, we must recognize how lowly we really are, humbly submit, unconditionally serve, and then REJOICE that such an all-knowing, all-powerful God would choose to bestow His authority in us and His blessing upon us, and ask us to partner with Him in the greatest mission of all time!

May we never let our ignorant fears or selfish ambitions deter us from this cause!

When we fix our eyes on the needs of the world, we become slaves to the hopelessness and despair that we see, and are conquered by what appears to be an ever-growing evil. When we fix our eyes on our gifts, we become slaves to vanity, and are conquered by our own weaknesses when our strength has run out…and I promise you, it will. When we fix our eyes on Jesus, we become slaves to the author and perfecter of our faith, through whom, and by such faith, we have the authority to conquer all evil in the world and all weakness in ourselves, and run the race marked out for us in such a way as to win the prize!...To carry out the mission…and to live in a constant state of MINISTRY!

Beauty

If I have but one goal in this life [apart from knowing God and leading others to know Him…although when I say “apart,” I don’t actually mean APART, for I believe these two things are very much intertwined, and are often one and the same], it is to pursue beauty…to seek it out where it has been lost, to restore it where it has been tainted, to reconcile it where it has been morphed beyond recognition, to create it where it does not exist…to revel in it with such joy and such passion that every on-looker becomes ignited with inspiration and cannot help but accept the invitation to join in doing the same.

“Beauty” is a verb (I don’t care what the dictionary says!)…it is an action…it is meant to be experienced…No, it is meant to be an EXPERIENCE (okay, then maybe it is a noun, after all)!...a multisensory experience! I believe that God wants us to INTERACT with His world!...Why else would He have made us with five senses???...not one, not two, but FIVE! (Okay, actually there’s seven, but I’ll do my best to set aside my occupational therapy education for just a second and stick with the ones everybody knows.) [Even now, as I write this, I am blissfully soaking up the multisensory beauty in my environment…the relaxing music, the gentle lighting, the feel of the fan blowing air on my face and through my hair, the smell and taste of cinnamon and cloves in my rich, dark, foreign, French-pressed coffee.]

When you notice beauty, recognize beauty, appreciate beauty, breathe in beauty, exude beauty, you are overcome with a flood of joy and peace that resonates deeply within your spirit, confirming that you are walking in your identity as an image-bearer of the CREATOR God…You know that this is what you were made for!

But just in case it’s not enough for you to simply look around at creation and just KNOW in the depth of your being that you’re supposed to be active in it, God makes it pretty clear in His Word. And you don’t have to read too far, because already in the very first chapter of the Bible God reveals the following three things:

1) He is THEE Creator of beauty.
2) He has made us in His image and likeness…enabling us to reflect His beauty and creativity.
3) Not only are we equipped to do this, we are CALLED to, and by “called,” I mean COMMANDED.

God’s first word of instruction to man is “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” (Genesis 1:28) SUBDUE it…which means to conquer and bring into subjection, to overpower by superior force, to overcome, to bring under control, and render submissive.
It’s interesting, isn’t it, how this direction was given prior to the fall? How much more, in a post-fall, broken, sin-filled world, does this planet need to be restored to order…conquered by love, overpowered by the superior force of reconciliation, overcome by beauty!?!?!

And how then can we [as New Testament believers who know that this HAS been made possible through the death and resurrection of Christ, and who HAVE been filled with the Holy Spirit and empowered with all authority to carry out this mission of bringing heaven to earth] ignore such a calling???

Why is it that so often when we look at the world all we see is pollution and poverty, disease and disaster, abuse, neglect, injustice, and war? We have this mentality that it’s too big, it’s beyond us, and if we can’t fix it all, we can’t fix any of it. We give up. We call it “hopeless” and drown in man-made lake of discouragement and despair. Or we completely ignore it…we forget our identity, we forget our calling, we forget the importance of bringing forth beauty!

WHY DO WE ACT DEFEATED WHEN THE BATTLE HAS ALREADY BEEN WON?

WE ARE NOT CALLED TO BE A PEOPLE OF IGNORANCE AND APATHY!

WE ARE MADE IN THE IMAGE OF THE BEAUTIFUL CREATOR GOD! THE SAME POWER THAT CONQUERED DEATH LIVES IN US! THE FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT AND THE GIFTS OF THE SPIRIT ARE OURS TO REVEL IN AND SHARE WITH A DESPERATE WORLD!

This shouldn’t feel like a burden!...It should be a joy! It’s a gift!...We GET to reflect creativity and beauty!...We GET to partner with God in bringing heaven to earth!

Awesome! So, what does this [living in a constant state of beauty] look like?...Let’s make it practical…

...Get up early and watch a sunrise…smell the morning breeze…don’t just eat because you’re hungry but admire the colors, take pleasure in the textures, and savor the flavors of your food (everything is art!)…listen to a song (without doing anything else at the same time…just listen)…then listen to the sound of silence, total silence…hold a baby, wave at the neighbor girl, smile at a stranger…wash a dish, pull a weed, pick up a piece of trash…feel the wind, soak up the sun, breathe in fresh air…work hard…sing loudly…sing in a whisper…let someone else go first at the grocery store check-out…serve a co-worker…send a letter of encouragement…forgive…pray blessing over someone who hurt you…have a conversation with someone wiser than you (and by have a conversation, I mean listen)…delight in a gift received…be joyful in answered prayer…share a testimony…dance in the rain, dance in the street, dance in church…just dance!...give something away…give of yourself…love people…dive into a perfectly still lake…sit by a perfectly still lake…slow down…take in the details…cherish the moment…plant a flower, pick a flower, or simply NOTICE a flower that someone else planted or picked!

Make a cupcake. Eat a cupcake. Share a cupcake.
Bring Forth Beauty. Celebrate and Enjoy Beauty. Spread Joy by Sharing Beauty.

This may sound a little crazy…talking about finding beauty in cupcakes, when we live in a world in which beauty is continuously attacked on a grand scale in violent ways all over the world daily.

In suggesting these practical applications, I may sound at worst: pathetically ignorant and perhaps even satirical (it’s a joke, right?), and at best: like the adorably naïve cartoon character, Katie, from a loveable children’s movie, who said, “In my world, everyone’s a pony, and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies!”

But I’m not blind to the devastating images on the news. I’m not deaf to the blatant lies about beauty blaring from the media. My heart BREAKS for every child who’s been emotionally or physically abused, neglected, abandoned, or orphaned. My heart BREAKS for every teenage girl who hates her body and spirals through endless self-destruction in attempt to figure out who she’s supposed to be. My heart BREAKS for every woman who’s been talked down to, deprived of education and other rights, beaten, raped, and sold into sexual slavery.

And yes, these are dark situations in which the light of beauty must shine through. But if we cannot find beauty in the everyday occurrences in our lives…the mundane tasks…the simple things right in front of our faces, how can we find beauty among such depravity???

I believe that God wants to use us to bring beauty into the darkest places in the world. But I also believe that we must prove ourselves responsible with little, before He will entrust us with much, and that we must demonstrate an ability to “walk out” beauty in the natural before He empowers us to deal in the full potential of the power of beauty in the most spiritual sense.

Reveling in beauty is an attitude, a mindset, a heartset, a choice…and as you chose to recognize beauty and rejoice in beauty, you will come into a greater revelation of what it means to restore beauty and how to go about reconciling beauty…and will therefore be empowered to bring forth beauty in an even more potent way!

As we seek God, we find beauty. And in seeking beauty, we find God…as He is the original source of all beauty! Without Him, nothing would be beautiful! We experience beauty, because He is beauty!

Psalm 50:2 says, “From Zion, PERFECT IN BEAUTY, God shines forth.” The Bible also states, in several places, that if anyone were to see God’s face, shining in the fullness of its glory, they would instantly die. That’s a lot of beauty!...So much that God must hide it from us, just so that we can stay alive! But isn’t it such a blessing, that God doesn’t hide ALL of His beauty from us…He allows us to see and experience it through creation and through each other. So, it’s almost like in discovering beauty in something or someone in this world, we have discovered a tiny piece of the face of God…which would then suggest that in sharing beauty with others, we are giving them a piece of the face of God…WOW!

God wants us to experience “life and life to the full!”…to REVEL IN BEAUTY!

Why wouldn’t you take up on the invitation [in Psalm 34:8]?...to “TASTE AND SEE THAT THE LORD IS GOOD!”

The Therapist

I am a therapist. Every day I experience the challenges & difficulties and joys & blessings of working with lots of little special needs students. As a provider of occupational therapy services, it is my job to help my students learn…learn to feed themselves, dress themselves, regulate their bodies and emotions, interact with their peers, play appropriately, use their hands and fingers to perform intricate tasks…the list goes on. The funny thing is, though, I’m not the only one in this “teacher-student relationship” doing the teaching. It’s incredible how much my students have to teach me!...Or how much GOD has to teach me through my students!

I think, speak, learn, and understand in terms of analogies and metaphors…and believe me, a special needs school just happens to be FULL of them! It’s amazing how many spiritual life lessons my eyes have been opened to while my arms have been elbow deep in poop, pee, snot, Trix yogurt, applesauce, and play-dough!

***

I squatted down on a much-too-small chair, my knees scrunched up and towering over the tiny table. I leaned over, extended a jar of writing utensils to one of my students and said, “Pick a marker, Tommy! Open it! Today, we’re going to trace letters!” (All names have been changed to protect students’ identities, of course.) Without a sound, without making eye contact, and without moving more than his hand, Tommy took a marker. He did not open it, but rather, he proceeded to wave it continuously up and down in front of his face, watching the movement out of the corner of his eye as he stared blankly off into space. “Open the marker, Tommy!” I prompted encouragingly. No response. “Come on, Tommy! Open the marker! Let’s color!” I cheerfully invited yet again. Still no change. So, I placed my hands over his and helped him open the marker. “Good job, Tommy! Now let’s draw! Will you show me how you can write on the paper?” Tommy, who had yet to look at me or the paper, immediately brought the marker back up to his face and continued to self-stim. I tapped on the table, pointing to the letters on the page. No stop in waving the marker. I tapped louder. Still no break in the stare. So, I guided his hand down to the paper and began to assist his small fingers in tracing over the dotted lines that spelled out his name. Tommy pulled away from my hand. The second I let go, he returned to waving the marker. I brought his hand back to the page and began again…only to be pushed away a second time…and a third…and a fourth. I’m usually pretty patient, but by this point, I was starting to get a little frustrated. “WHY WON’T YOU LET ME HELP YOU?” I thought. “UGH! IT’S ONE THING FOR YOU TO COMPLETELY IGNORE MY DIRECTIONS, BUT TO IGNORE ME!...THAT’S ANOTHER!...AND NOT JUST TO IGNORE ME, BUT TO PUSH ME AWAY??? I KNOW THIS IS HARD FOR YOU, BUT THAT’S WHY I’M HERE! I’VE GOT MY HAND ON YOU…I AM TRYING TO HELP YOU…WHY WON’T YOU LET ME?”…

…“Hey, Ben! Let’s play with the cars!” I exclaimed. I grabbed a couple of toy cars and began to drive them back and forth on the road map rug, across a bridge of blocks, and down the toy car garage ramp. “Isn’t this so much fun?!?” I asked excitedly…to which Ben responded by pushing away my hands, throwing my toy cars out of reach, kicking apart the block bridge, knocking over the toy garage ramp, and picking up his one and only favorite car and staring at it as he spun the front wheels around and around and around and around, just as he had before I came over…

…“Ooo! Katie! Let’s make a big tower with the blocks!” I demonstrated quickly to engage her attention and then asked her to join in. As I handed her the blocks one by one, she put each one in her mouth, chewed on it for a few seconds, spit it out, threw it, and then knocked down each block I had added to the tower myself…

…“Ashley, it’s time to put on your shoes!” I sat her down in front of me and began to aid her in putting on her socks. Enraged that I had pulled her away from her favorite toy, she began to squirm violently (for real, if it’s possible to squirm violently, she is in fact very good at it!). After a few minutes of wrestling, Ashley’s shoes were on, but I may have taken a few punches to the face in the process…

***

In these moments, my heart breaks for my kids. When I look at them, I see their potential. I know what they are capable of, and what has to be done in order to take them to the next level. But so often they not only ignore what I have planned for them, but they go out of their way to resist me as strongly as their tough little wills allow!...Because they can’t see the big picture like I can!

And then one day I realized: I AM MY KIDS. Yes, I did just say that…I’m a little special needs preschooler…and everything I’ve wanted to say to my naughty, yet pricelessly precious little kiddos, God wants to say to me (metaphorically speaking, of course):

“LAURA, WHY ARE YOU SO CONTENT TO SIT THERE AND SHAKE A MARKER IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE WHEN I HAVE GIFTED YOU TO COLOR AND DRAW AND WRITE???...WHY ARE YOU SO CONTENT TO SPIN WHEELS ON YOUR LITTLE CAR IN ONE PLACE WITHOUT MOVING WHEN I HAVE CALLED YOU TO GO OUT AND DRIVE IN HIGH-ENERGY CHASE SCENES???...WHY ARE YOU SO CONTENT TO CHEW ON BLOCKS WHEN I HAVE EQUIPPED YOU TO BUILD ELABORATE CASTLES??? STOP IGNORING MY DIRECTION. STOP PUSHING ME AWAY. MY HAND IS ON YOU. I AM HERE TO HELP YOU. I KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR…YOU DON’T. I SEE THE BIG PICTURE…YOU CAN’T. I LOVE YOU AND I HAVE BIG PLANS FOR YOU. I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO THE NEXT LEVEL. IT MIGHT BE HARD, BUT THAT’S WHY I’M HERE…TO GUIDE YOU AND ENCOURAGE YOU. YOU CAN AVOID MY GAZE, BUT I STILL SEE YOU. YOU CAN THROW AWAY MY GIFTS THE SECOND I PLACE THEM IN YOUR HANDS, BUT I WILL CONTINUE TO GIVE. YOU CAN TRY TO KNOCK DOWN AND TEAR APART EVERYTHING GOOD THAT I HAVE BUILT IN YOUR LIFE, BUT I WILL PERSIST IN PERSUING A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. YOU MAY SIT THERE UNWILLING TO PARTICIPATE, OR YOU MAY GET UP AND RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION, BUT I’M NOT GIVING UP ON YOU. IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU ATTEMPT TO VIOLENTLY SQUIRM OUT OF MY EMBRACE. IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU PUNCH ME IN THE FACE. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND DESIRE WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO YOUR FULLEST POTENTIAL. NOW, WILL YOU PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE JUST LET ME LEAD YOU THERE?”

As I enter into a season of intentional ministry through service, I realize that I am empowered to do so, only because of the “therapy” that God has been doing (and will continue to do) in my life…taking me out of my comfort zone…pulling me away from things that are small, safe, purposeless…leading me in pursuit of things with greater meaning, greater value, greater worth…allowing me to enter in to a much bigger picture, a much higher calling. There have been, and I’m sure will continue to be, many moments that cause me to ask “WHY?”…but I have to trust that just like me with my students, God has a purpose, knows exactly where He wants to take me and how He wants to get me there, and that He will in fact bring me to that place, if I will just simply submit to the picture I cannot clearly see, surrender to the plan I do not fully understand, yield to the direction of One wiser than I, grab hold of the hand that is more skilled than mine, and allow HIM to be MY THERAPIST.

Beautiful Disaster

[When entering into any sort of ministry, I think it’s important to keep a few things in mind: 1) We should never try to determine the effectiveness of our attempts to minister by our own humanly defined notions of success and failure (God works in mysterious ways and we do not always have the privilege of understanding His reasoning or seeing the results), and 2) Sometimes, in ministry, the prayers we pray, and the prayers we SHOULD pray, are two very different things…]

Sometimes God has a different plan than we do…

IMAGINE THAT! ;)

…a different motive…a different agenda…a different outcome…

Sometimes, even when we feel that we are so in tune with God and His will, yes, even then, God may have something else in mind…something that even our greatest, most God-honoring thoughts cannot conjure up!

***

My sister and I sing together…for church services, baptisms, weddings, etc. Music is very important to us, and therefore, delivering a musically accurate “performance” is very important to us. For the longest time, this was the focal point of my “ministry” in music…to blend in unison as if we were one voice, then break into a vocal dance of perfect harmonies…to nail the melodic runs, to hit the high notes, to get the lyrics right, to build into the bridge, to belt out the final chorus after a climactic key change! I thought that our execution of each song had to be musically perfect in order to best “reach” our audience. Ya know, the greater the musical intensity, the greater the emotional intensity…and the greater the emotional intensity, the greater the effect on the listener…and the greater the effect on the listener, the more we have succeeded in bringing that listener closer to God!

Oh, how disturbing this is!...to think that this is actually what I believed! I had made my ministry just that…MINE! I had left no room for God to intervene in HIS own work! IT IS NOT MY JOB TO MANIPULATE SOMEONE ELSE’S HEART INTO “FEELING” CLOSER TO GOD. It is my job to take the message that God has placed on my heart and share it…perhaps through song…and then allow Him to use that testimony in whatever way HE sees fit, to touch peoples’ hearts and lives through the working of HIS Holy Spirit!

I used to pray, “God, please help me to get this song right, so that my listeners may be blessed by it!” (A prayer prayed with the most innocent and sincere intentions…yet oh, so delusional!) This past Easter Sunday, however, I prayed a different prayer: “God, take this song and do whatever you want to do with it…even if it means I deliver an imperfect musical performance…even if it means that I look like a mess in the process…do whatever it takes to bring the most glory to you!” (A very SCARY prayer to pray!)

I should have known that my prayer would be answered!

The piano accompaniment grew progressively louder, and my sister and I were about to erupt into the chorus with powerful harmonies, when I was suddenly consumed by the intensity of the TRUTH in the lyrics. They became SO real to me…more real than any lyrics have ever been before: “And I hear the voice of many angels sing ‘Worthy is the Lamb!’ And I hear the cry of every longing heart ‘Worthy is the Lamb!’”…As the image of multitudes of angels eternally worshiping God filled my head, and the reality of my deep, deep longing for God overtook my heart, I saw my broken self in contrast with the GLORY of the risen Lamb, and I was instantly overcome with both MY UNWORTHINESS and HIS unfathomable WORTHINESS…I could not sing…I could not even squeak out a few of the words…I burst into tears. For a split second I tried to stop, but I couldn’t, so I just let it overtake me. My hand began to shake…not a nervous shake, but honestly tingling and trembling…like my fingers wanted to unfold and just shoot straight up, point towards heaven, and give credit where credit is due! It was almost as if I did not raise my hand, my hand would raise itself to direct glory to God!...I was no longer in control of my body…everything in me poured out in a wave of gratitude, across my tear stained cheeks and through the tremors of my barely audible voice.

What I experienced was so raw, so real, that for what was perhaps the first time in my life, I was not embarrassed by my apparent failure…it was truly such an honor to be made vulnerable so publically, so that through such a display of genuine vulnerability, the transformation that God, by His Spirit, had orchestrated in my heart and life was raised up as a testimony of His saving and redeeming grace!

***

Sometimes we are allowed to “fail” so that we may be reminded of our inadequacy apart from God. (It keeps us humble!) Sometimes we are allowed to “fail” so that others may see…and realize that they too can serve God and bring honor to Him despite THEIR inadequacies. AND SOMETIMES, WE ARE ALLOWED TO “FAIL” BECAUSE IN “FAILING” WE ACTUALLY SUCCEED…FOR IN OUR WEAKNESS, GOD’S STRENGTH IS THAT MUCH MORE STRONGLY DISPLAYED!

I do not know the reason for my musical “failure” on Easter Sunday, but I have no doubt that God had a reason, and that He answered my prayer…by using my song as He best saw fit for HIS purposes!

Practice may make perfect, but let us not forget that so often God chooses to work in the imperfect…bringing glory to HIS PERFECTION…one BEAUTIFUL DISASTER at a time!

Lesson #2: Humility

[This past year has been the most difficult year of my life. But I can also say that it has been the most growth-filled and blessing-filled year of my life. Through a variety of circumstances (severe reoccurring illness, lack of finances, etc.), and through the confessions/testimonies/gifts/acts of service/prayers of the people around me, I have come to know what it means to find “strength in weakness”…I have learned the importance of being able to submit…but also to receive…my eyes have been opened to what it truly means to be humble…]

Humility is not a decreased sense of self worth. It is not a false view of your identity or value. It is not a dismissal or rejection of complements. It is not to be confused with modesty. It is not insecurity, low self esteem, or a lack of self confidence. It is not down-playing, hiding, or ignoring your gifts. It is not an outward action that you perform to mask or justify your inner desire to gain the approval of those around you. It is not a comparison to others in which you rank yourself at the bottom. It is not a balance between being feeling good about yourself and feeling bad about yourself.

The thing about humility is that IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU…at all.

Humility is the REALIZATION THAT: Life is about someone GREATER than you, that everything you have been given is a GIFT, that THE ONLY REASON YOU EXIST IS BECAUSE OF MERCY YOU WILL NEVER DESERVE, GRACE YOU WILL NEVER EARN, AND LOVE YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO RECIPROCATE, NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY.

When you come to FULLY comprehend this truth, you cannot help but live a life of complete service and sacrifice; a life in which you always think of others before yourself…a life in which at any moment you would be willing to give it up, to lay it all down, for the sake of another…a life in which you allow others to serve you (no one is above receiving service, for even this is a form of pride)...a life in which everything you do points not to yourself but to the GOD who created you, gifted you, enabled, and empowered you…So that when others see your strength and beauty, they do not see you, but THROUGH you to the One who apart from, such beauty and strength WOULD CEASE TO BE.

To live in any other way, is to live a life of pride.

Pride says, “God’s view of me is not enough. I need the rest of the world to notice me, accept me, appreciate me, value me. Pride says, “I prefer justice to mercy.” Pride says, “I am above grace.” Pride says, “I do not need love.”

A prideful heart is DEAD, because it is NOT CAPABLE OF RECEIVING the undeserved LIFE that God and ONLY GOD, MERCIFULLY, GRACIOUSLY, LOVINGLY offers.

Lesson #1: Obedience

[I have a feeling that God’s going to teach me A LOT this summer…because summer is still a long ways off for me, and yet, I have already learned (or am in the process of learning) several things…things which I believe are essential to know BEFORE entering into any sort of ministry: Obedience and Humility. So here goes…if you have something to add, add it. If you have something to subtract, subtract it. I do not want my words to be taken for absolute truth unless they are!]

I always was a good kid. (Seriously, I don’t think my parents have a clue how easy they had it with me!) I had perfect attendance in Sunday school and was ready to give a beautifully worded, theologically-sound answer every time I was called on. Every teacher, coach, director, and boss I’ve ever had enjoyed having me in their class, on their team, working for them, etc., because I was a model student, teammate, and employee…I worked hard, excelled at nearly everything I put my hands to, and NEVER BROKE THE RULES.

What could I possibly have to learn about obedience??? (Humility on the other hand…haha…don’t worry, that’s Lesson #2!)

Oh, if only obedience were as black and white as we so often make it out to be!

But you see, obedience, while it most certainly does INCLUDE following rules, at its core has nothing to do with whether or not you FOLLOW the rules, but HOW you follow them.
I find it interesting that the wording of the fifth commandment (that God gives us in the Bible) is not “OBEY your father and mother,” but “HONOR your father and mother.” I think back to high school, for example, when my parents gave me a curfew every time I went out with my friends on the weekend: Of course I came home on time…but you better believe that I was dragging my heels the whole way, walked in the door at the exact time they had stated and not a moment sooner, and sometimes even made comments to my friends about how my parents were “so stupid and lame for making me come home earlier than everyone else!”

I obeyed the rules, but there was absolutely NO HONOR involved. I may not have been DISOBEYING, but I was most certainly DISRESPECTING.

Rote actions of obedience done out of a heart of rebellion, is no obedience at all!

How many times have I “obeyed” in this way???...not just with my parents, but more importantly with God! Looking back, my life has been FULL of thoughtless, heartless, lifeless “obedience.” Mom, Dad, GOD, I am sorry.

***

Okay, so obedience is not an action…it is a state of the heart. But how do I make my heart WANT to obey God??? ‘Cause I’ll be honest, my selfish little heart’s first inclination is not necessarily always to bring HONOR to God!

I think back to many Sunday school lessons, church sermons, and lectures in class at the Christian school I attended that attempted to address this topic. “We shouldn’t obey God because we HAVE to, but because we WANT to!” the pastor stated confidently. “We obey out of gratitude…it’s our way of saying thank you to Jesus for what He did for us on the cross,” echoed numerous Sunday school teachers. “That’s nice,” my cynical young mind thought. Don’t get me wrong…I’m not trying to make light of this subject…It’s TRUTH and I believe it 100%!...But having this knowledge in my head, did nothing to change the way I was feeling in my heart.
There was still no JOY in my obedience until I realized two things:

1) I CAN’T change my heart…only God can, through the work of the Holy Spirit in me.

2) Obeying God goes FAR beyond obeying the specific rules written down in the Bible. Again, of course it INCLUDES these rules, but is not limited to them: IF I OBEY EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THE TEN COMMANDMENTS PERFECTLY, BUT I IGNORE THE PROMPTING OF THE HOLY SPIRIT IN MY EVERYDAY LIFE, I AM NOT OBEDIENT! If God calls me to speak with a stranger, pray for a friend, fulfill an act of service, and I do not do these things, I have passed up an opportunity to bring HONOR to God. I did not steal, I did not lie, I did not commit adultery or murder…I did something far worse…I IGNORED GOD.

Over the past few months as I have begun to become more in tune with the voice of the Holy Spirit, gently yet firmly nudging me from within, I have also become increasingly aware of how many times in a day I am presented with a chance to either submit to that voice, or run in the opposite direction…and until very recently, I almost always opted to run.

And then one day someone else followed the voice of the Holy Spirit in their life…this person felt called to extend an invitation to me to pray for someone else. Now I’ve prayed for people before, but this was prayer at a whole different level…the kind where you give a person words that are not at all your own, but that have been given to you directly from God to give to the person that you’re praying for. I had never been a part of this kind of prayer before…it terrified me…I was so scared that I wouldn’t be able to do it, that I wouldn’t have anything to say…certainly not in comparison to all the other “more spiritual” people there who were much more practiced in this kind of prayer than I was! But for what was perhaps the first time in my life, I submitted to the Spirit’s prodding, accepted the invitation, and began to pray…

…And as I prayed, even though my voice shook with nervous energy, I felt so at peace…it felt good, it felt right. I continued to pray that night for others who needed prayer, the whole time being continuously reaffirmed in my spirit that God can and WILL use ME to speak into the lives of the people I come into contact with.

This emotion-filled, Spirit-driven night, in combination with the encouragement I later received from many of the people who were there, created a boldness and an excitement in me that I have never experienced before! I actually WANTED to go out and pray for people and speak into their lives…I WANTED to follow the voice of the Holy Spirit!

That weekend I felt called to:
-Share bits and pieces of my testimony with a few different people…so I did!
-Offer an act of service to a family that I had just met…so I did!
-Invite someone to be a part of a group that had the potential to significantly impact his relationship with God…so I did!
-Pray for someone who didn’t have the emotional strength and energy to pray for herself…so I did!

I don’t know HOW my obedience impacted the lives of these people, but I trust that it DID. God always has a plan and we may not always understand it, but He does not ask us to UNDERSTAND…He asks us to TRUST and OBEY.

One person listened to God’s voice…inviting and encouraging me to enter in to a whole new level of spirituality. I in turn listened to God’s voice and spoke in to the lives of 10+ people within the next few days. And if each of those people were to speak and act in response to the Spirit’s leading in the lives of 10+ people each, over 100 people will have had their lives touched…radically altered even, by God, through just a few people, in just a few days! And as people continue to submit to the Spirit’s guiding, the positive ramifications continue to explode exponentially!

NOW THIS IS A GOD-HONORING OBEDIENCE THAT I CAN GET EXCITED ABOUT AND FIND JOY IN!!!

I get it, I finally get it...God’s commandments for us are not just a bunch of rules that were carved into stone thousands of year ago…the things He asks of us, both in His written word and through the still small voice of the Spirit inside of us are living, breathing, refreshing, revitalizing, reconciling, redeeming, LIFE CHANGING, WORLD CHANGING…WHO WOULDN’T WANT TO BE A PART OF THAT?!?!? Sign me up. I’m on board. I WANT to be OBEDIENT. I WANT to bring HONOR to God!

Proverbs 31:10-31 (NIV and Message)

Proverbs 31:10-31 NIV

10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:10-31 Message

A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it.Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing.She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day.She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking.She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor.She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks.Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers.She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive.Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise:"Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!"Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!

The Proverbs 31 Project

Inspired by prophetic words through which several brothers and sisters in Christ declared me THEE "Proverbs 31 Woman," I have decided to begin a summer-long project, and life-long journey of discovering, embracing, and celebrating my identity in Christ; using my gifts to serve Him as He transforms my heart and mind, fulfilling His promise to complete the good work He began in me (Philippians 1:6)!

In order for you to understand what this project IS, you must also understand what this project is NOT. This project IS NOT about ME and what I can do. It is about GOD and what HE can do. It IS NOT about MY work in the lives of other people. It is about God's work...not only in the lives of other people...not only THROUGH me...but also, IN me. See, while the implementation of this project in it's most physical sense may cause observers to think that the ultimate mission is to "use my gifts to serve others," the REAL goal, the REAL aim, the REAL project is MY HEART and the act of GOD upon it: HIM transforming me into a more wise, discerning, diligent, devoted, compassionate, loving, beautiful woman of God...a true Proverbs 31 woman.

With that said, I will now attempt to explain what I feel called to do this summer...what I feel is the "medium" so to speak that God will use to teach me these Proverbs 31 virtues.  The project will consist largely of acts of service...using my gifts to meet the needs of other people.  I have MANY obscure, yet useful gifts. Now, in the past, I have used my gifts in many ways...and most, if not all, were "for the greater good!"...and yet, it was always so safe and comfortable...I always had control...there was never any sacrifice involved. This needs to change. As I ask God to shape me into the Proverbs 31 woman this summer, I realize that this involves stepping outside of my comfort zone into a place were service is not conditional...I don't get to pick and choose who to serve, where to serve, how to serve...if God brings a person into my life, or brings me to a specific place, and has equipped me with the ability to provide for the need he has shown me, than I have no choice but to fill it...even if it is dirty, uncomfortable, boring, time-consuming, or the hardest struggle I've ever gone through! I ask for this. I ask for this with both excitement and terrified-ness (for lack of a real word), knowing that God will answer this request!

In addition to using my gifts to unconditionally serve others, I also intend to imitate the Proverbs 31 woman by physically living out some of the things that the scripture says she does, such as planting a garden, for example! I don't know exactly how this works yet, but I strongly feel that there is so much to be learned mentally, emotionally, and spiritually by living out something physically first! So, plant a garden, I will! And who knows, maybe I'll even make a few of my own clothes!

And finally, and most importantly, as Proverbs 31 so clearly states in it's conclusion, all these acts are worthless without the FEAR OF THE LORD! So, I will be spending lots of time "in the Word" and in prayer...in hopes of growing in my relationship with God, and receiving revelation on what it means to truly FEAR Him. And ya'll can hold me accountable to that!...In fact, I insist...I beg you to! Taking time out of "my" crazy schedule to spend more time with God is not one of my strengths, so please ask me how it's going, encourage me to continue in it, and pray for me...pray like crazy!

Pray that I might:
-Be bombarded with opportunities to serve, and be empowered with the courage and willingness to follow through on those opportunities!
-Know what it means to live out the life of the Proverbs 31 woman in both a physical and spiritual sense!
-Be filled with the desire to know God more intimately and an understanding of what it means to fear and serve Him!